Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Happiness Defined.

People often say that you shouldn't rely on others for your own happiness. That you need to be content with yourself before anyone else can come in and make you happy. That putting a person in charge of your happiness also gives them all the power to take it away in a split second. I get it, and I've always held similar philosophies in my life. But I sometimes wonder who is saying those things. Someone who was just hurt? Someone who has lost faith in others? I don't know. But what I do know is that since L has been in my life, I have been the happiest I have ever been. I have never felt so at peace and content with a person before, and I don't want that to change. To say that he is the sole thing that makes me happy would be a lie, because a lot of things in life bring me happiness. But to pretend that he isn't a big part of the reason I look forward to waking up every single day is also a lie. He makes every day better. And even if we have a bad day, that bad day disappears so fast that it's not even worth mentioning. I feel happy with him no matter what we are doing, and therefore, I feel like he (and our relationship) shapes my happiness. Do I rely on him for it? I'm not sure. But I can assure you that I sure feel the difference when he's not around...

You may wonder where the heck this is all coming from (rightfully so;), but today marks day one of a 4-week stretch where L is in Arkansas and I don't get to wake up next to him every day. It's hard. Already. I miss him like crazy and feel like my spirit is a little sadder without him here. Yes, on day one. Ha. As stated in my hopes for the new year, I do not want to take things for granted, and having him in my life and being able to see him daily is something I never want to become ungrateful for. So far, so good. ;) I still haven't decided what's right in terms of relationships and happiness. I don't want to be so dependent on someone that I lose myself, but I also don't really know how to fall so deeply for someone and not have my happiness rely at least in part on that person. It seems impossible. And I know if L and I are ever not together, it will take a long, long time, if ever, before I feel truly happy again. Kinda scary, and he may hate me for saying that, but it's the truth. In that case, maybe my happiness does depend on him and us and our relationship, but I guess I don't really care as long as I stay happy. :) Crazy what a few weeks apart will make a person think about in regards to life philosophies, ha! And on that note of crazy pondering tonight, I will leave you with a picture that might help illustrate why I love life with this guy. We can look like this and still like each other. :P


Casey Smith said...

i love this Nae:) And I couldn't agree more. I feel the same about your bro;) I've heard people say that it's 'weak' or 'silly' to 'neeeeddd' someone like that but I've never been ashamed to admit that Jacob IS that part of me that makes me work. I wouldn't be the same without him...actually...I don't work without him. And I think that's what love is/can be. Sometimes you gotta just put it out there and hope for the best! I think it makes life a bit scarier sometimes cause the fear of loss is that much greater the more you love something/someone. But it's worth it:)
Hoping these next few weeks fly for you guys!!!:) xoxo

Renee said...

Thanks Casey! For some reason, I had a feeling you'd be able to relate. :) I think I've just got to accept the fact that I can't control my feelings. I guess I should consider myself lucky to have someone who makes life so good that I'm afraid to think about life without him! Eeee. :) Totally worth it, and I can't wait for him to return. Hasn't even been a week yet, but gotta stay positive, ha!